Invasion over, Slovenians routed.

Well, the Slovenes fly home tomorrow, and I’m sad to see them go. We had a great outing today taking them to waterfalls and lunch at Timberline. I had great conversations with both Gregor and Sonia, who rode in my strike vehicle. It was so nice to be able to return the hospitality they showed us back in 2004. They’re such great people.

Although, I could still use an actual weekend. I’ve had no real rest these last three weekends since I returned for a myriad of reasons, good and bad. Life keeps chugging along, though.

Rockin out in Victoria

Friday night at VIIF.  3 great shows, and some great conversations.  I can’t wait to work in the ensemble show tomorrow.  I can’t wait to see Narabov play.  I’ve been having a great time sharing a room with Kerry.  Marilyn has been making me laugh my ass off, as is Tom.

I’m getting to catch up with friends I haven’t seen in a while.  That’s been fantastic.  Gregor is taking me to task on my masters level game, and it’s great.  He’s entering into Phd level education in Philosophy, and one of his main inspirations is Spinoza.  Gregor is super fun on top of it.  The weather was a little chilly today, but otherwise it’s been great.

Suffering

I’m in the midst of a life lesson on suffering and attachments.  I like to think of myself as someone who seeks to reduce the suffering in others, but I’m sorely lacking sometimes in dealing with my own suffering.  I’m also recognizing that I also act to increase the suffering of others when they threaten my sense of attachment.  Then I look at the losses of others, and I think that I can’t hold a candle to that.

The suffering comes from the space where something once was.  It is the breaking of a circuit, a shifting of a neuron, a loss, a change.  My heart feels heavy, and there is no relief.  It comes, it goes.  Over the past couple of days, I have laughed with friends and stolen away quietly to cry in solitude.  It is when I am alone that it is the hardest because being alone again was how this ball got rolling.

Time heals things.  Hurry up, time. 

What was I to think? What would you think about this conversation?

Sept 10, 2006

11:15 PM Kento: back

 me: welcome
  Lisa is going to get me at the airport
 Kento: are you sure?
 me: well can you?
11:16 PM Kento: I can
 me: Do you want to?
 Kento: yeah
 me: Then I’m going to take a minute to jump for joy boing, boing, boing
11:18 PM I saw that your convassing or somehting Thursday.
 Kento: is it Thursday or Friday you arrive?
11:19 PM me: I arrive Friday at 2:30pm
 Kento: totally free
 me: Me too
11:20 PM It’ll be a weird and wonderful end to this journey if you picked me up
 Kento: yeh
 me: I’m totally excited to see you, and my roomates were happy to here that they’ll be seeing you around.
11:23 PM Kento: aw
11:25 PM me: You impressed Kerry (and me) when you came back to care for me when I got sick.
 Kento: it’s what boyfriends do for each other
 me: now you’ve got me tearing up
11:27 PM how did you get so sweet? I’ve got to thank your mom
11:29 PM Kento: shrugs I always thought it was just common sense
11:30 PM me: Well I’m glad for it
11:31 PM Are you still going to be working 35+ hours when school starts?
11:32 PM BTW, I got my cool new job at school
 Kento: yeh; I have no choice but to work
  you did get the job?
11:33 PM me: Yep, they’re creating a position for the fall term, and they’ll see how it goes. The good news: major pay increase.
11:34 PM Kento: woah
11:35 PM me: I’m going to be bringing in almost /mo in a stipend.
  for 20 hours a week
 Kento: dude
11:36 PM me: It’s a politically charged position, though. Their are people against the idea.
 Kento: hm
 me: I’ll charm them
11:40 PM Kento: you will
 me: getting sleepy honey. I love you, and I’ll email details for friday.
11:41 PM Kento: ok
  me too
11:42 PM me: night
 Kento: night

Back on the horse

I had a good show and rehearsal this weekend.  It feels good to be back on the stage and laughing with friends.  I’m still catching up with being back in Portland after so long.  It was a hard landing, but it can only go up from here.  It’s strange not having Nate Halloran around.

Single again

I’ll never date someone under 25 again.  expatriate was an inconsiderate flake who kept telling me he loved me when he didn’t.  On top of it, he asked me to give him a backrub just hours before telling me it was over……Class act.  He’ll make a good politician.  At least he picked me up from the airport and included me in on his campaign errands (after telling me he was free a couple days before).  That was thoughtful.

Sure, I’m bitter, but it’s mainly because my time was wasted.  I should have just written it off in July when I called him out on this stuff, but I’m always the sucker for a pretty face.  And I never follow my gut when it comes to matters involving my own heart.  I gotta stop doing that.

Beginnings and Endings

I was struck by a mix of emotions today at the BBQ that was the finish for wedding festivities for my cousin’s wedding.

It struck me near the end that this could potentially be the last time I see some of my closer aunts and uncles alive because of their age and health.

Meanwhile, I was assaulted and impressed by the sheer cuteness and intelligence of my younger cousins and second cousins. Strangely, I feel that, at 35, I’m looking at people who are getting nearer to clocking out, and on the other, I’m looking at people just clocking in. This must be the meaning of middle-age. Crazy. I don’t feel middle-aged.

Although, I met the FIESTIEST 84 year olds at this wedding, and they were the grandmothers. They cracked me up and inspired me. Carole and Maxine were their names, and I’ve got Maxine’s number (long story).

Big Families

My cousin Adam is marrying his fiance Rachel today. Adam is the cousin I’d say I’m close with for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is he’s a great guy. A majority of my father’s side of the family is here. My father is one of eleven children (now 10 since the passage of his sister Mary a couple of weeks ago, sadly).

I’m excited to hang out with my east coast cousins Nicole and Lindsay because they seem like a lot of fun from the last couple of times I’ve interacted with them over the years. My uncles Joe and Tommy are fucking hilarious (and ‘reborn’). My father is one of 3 boys. The other 8 are/were girls. Boys: Don (my father), Tommy, Joe. Girls: Kay, Joanne, Mary (deceased), Nancy, Wendy, Julie, Susie, Jeannie. I thought there were 11, but I can’t remember another.

We were all out on the patio with some of the Bride’s family (parents and g-parent). It was interesting seeing the contrast. Rachel’s parents are college educated. I think her father has a Phd in chemistry (at least an MS). He’s been a chemist for dupont for 32 years. The contrast is that a majority of my family is blue collar, as am I, I guess.

“Science” nails me.

My Personality
Neuroticism

52
Extraversion

89
Openness To Experience

84
Agreeableness

43
Conscientiousness

51
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